Tuesday, May 31, 2011

One Day

Happy birthday to my sweet little man! My first-born, my only (for now!) son.
Today not only represents the 6th year that we have enjoyed having Landon on this earth, it also represents the ONE day of parenting that Ben and I have experienced without the words "biliary atresia" in the back of our minds. For 24 blessed hours, we cuddled and loved on our little boy with great peace of mind. He made us parents, and we were overwhelmed with love.
It was like a fairy tale, that first day was. Somewhere near 40 people came to the hospital to help us welcome our child into the world. We chose not to find out the gender of our first born, so there was great anticipation, both for us in the operating room, and in the overflowing waiting room.
I will never forget Dr. Haskins holding him up and saying, "It's a boy! And a big one!" And he was, 10 pounds 10 ounces. How could such a large baby have anything in the world going on?
All evening, visitors floated in and out while I floated in and out of sleep. Early the next morning, Landon's pediatrician came to visit us. She told us that his bilirubin was high, but that didn't worry me too much because most babies develop jaundice at some point. I was very jaundiced as a newborn. Ben was a little more worried. That was around 7:30 a.m. She mentioned sending him to Shreveport if necessary, but that hardly seemed reasonable to me. For jaundice? Really? Little did I know, I was about to become a near-expert in all things liver-related, and that there were two kinds of bilirubin. Only one should be elevated in neonatal jaundice, but both of Landon's levels were high.
Dr. Sokunbi came back by around lunch, and his levels still hadn't fallen. This time, I was a little more worried, because she seemed more worried. My mom dropped my little brother off with my grandpa so she could be with us. At about 5 p.m., a team from Christus Schumpert came rushing in with an incubator stretcher. We hadn't even known for sure they were coming, and there they were. My dad was there by then so he could drive Ben over to Shreveport as well. Ben and I both lay on my hospital bed sobbing while they prepared Landon for travel. We had to sign all sorts of forms saying everything from "they might give him a blood transfusion" all the way to "he might die." Talk about the fairy tale turned nightmare.
When Ben and my dad left behind the ambulance, I really thought my heart was going to break in two. I think out of the whole ordeal, that day was the hardest. Being separated from my child and husband, when we should have been all together. As a family. I had a c-section, so my doctor highly advised that I stay until the next morning before heading to Shreveport. That night was fitful for me. I should have been nursing my baby, but instead my arms were empty.
I had told my doctor that I was leaving by 7 am, with or without him, so he better come check on me by then! He was there at 6:30, bless his heart. I am sure there is nothing as difficult as dealing with a mama with a sick baby.
....to be continued



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