Look for the Rainbow

Many of you reading this (all 3 of you!) will have already heard this story, but I feel like I need to get it out "on paper" per say before my memory fades. So for that reason, I'm going to describe the moment as vividly as I remember it.

Four years ago, we were spending lots of time at Texas Children's getting the correct diagnosis for Landon. On July 12 of that year (3 days after my sister's wedding), Landon had to have a liver biopsy. It was terrifying- everything about those few weeks was terrifying. He was only 6 weeks old at the time. Leaving my baby on that operating table as sleep-inducing drugs flowed into his IV is not an experience that I can even explain.

The next day, we were waiting, and waiting, and waiting, in his hospital room for the results of the biopsy. Nothing will make the minutes on the clock tick by slower than waiting for doctor's rounds. Especially when something crucial will be revealed.
About 5 p.m. or so the rounding doctor came by and told us matter-of-factly that the biopsy did make Landon "appear to have biliary atresia." Now this is the same doctor, who 2 days before, had walked in and took one look at Landon and said, "this kid doesn't have biliary atresia." So it was easy to be very disappointed in her when she brought the bad news... although it wasn't her fault of course.

Anyway, so by this time we are very, very depressed. I had never seen Ben like that before, and haven't seen him like that since. It was especially disheartening for me because he was usually my rock, telling me that everything would be okay.
My sweet mom was with us for this visit, and she was gazing out the window, holding Landon. She said, "Look, there's a rainbow!" (It rained constantly that summer- adding to our dismal mood!) We were like, "Who cares? Our baby is sick." I remember Ben laying face down on the "bed," which is actually a couch that pulls out into a twin bed for two adults to share. And usually a baby. But anyways. Let's say it was good that we have a close marriage!

Ben pulls himself off the couch after a few minutes and looks out the window, thinking of what the rainbow means in scripture. (See Genesis 9:13-17) He prays for Landon, and prays for God to show him that he has not forgotten us. We had so many people praying for Landon, and things just weren't going the way we thought they should. Ben prays for a sign that God was still there, and at that moment, a second rainbow appears. It was an amazing, humbling moment. I must be honest and admit that I still wasn't all that impressed at the time- if God could make a rainbow appear at will, why wouldn't he heal my baby? But looking back, I see that it was all part of his plan to get us here.

It may not seem like a huge deal, but that was God showing us his love and grace in a moment where we needed it most. Do I have the answer to why babies are sick, and even more tragically, die? No. I won't even pretend. I cry almost every day over some child or another who is having health problems. It just doesn't seem fair, even to me, that my child is doing so well while others are having a horrible time.

But I do know that when things are going badly, it might help to look for the rainbow.


PS I have a picture of the double rainbow that I will post as soon as I get it scanned. For some reason, I can't find the digital images from that month.